Wankers and Fools

Posted by TomHB

If Eskimos have 75 words for snow, we should have at least 100 to describe dickheads.

Take my Neighbours - not the ones near the intersection but the other ones - they are ill-educated troglodytes that don’t know the difference between a muffin and a friand. I hardly need to add that they’re renters.

The bloke, 25 or something, came home in a souped-up car with the number plates LOVR69 - obviously FUKWIT had already been taken. His common law strumpet struts around in tracky-daks with matching stilettos and thinks the Dalai Lama is an ice-cream shop. I bet they wouldn’t even be offended if they read this … ‘dickhead’ has two syllables, which is one beyond their comprehension.

There is a myth in modern Australia that people like these have a right to live in my street. It’s called egalitarianism, which was a cunning ideology devised in the 19th century to fool workers into thinking that they have a purpose beyond serving the ruling classes. To my infinite credit, I recently decided that it might be worth a try and started travelling in the front seat of taxis.

So for the last month, every time I’ve got in a cab (on the company’s dollar) I’ve been regaled by half evolved life forms who think they are de facto correspondents for the Department of Meteorology, or worse still, the only people in the world who actually understand what’s happening around us.

There’s an entire army of cretins, fired up on cocktails of NoDoz, coffee and amphetamines, sitting on beaded back supports and digging their fingernails into the reinforced plastic steering wheels, who are convinced that if they weren’t so busy doing the airport to city run twelve hours a day, they would single handedly solve the Middle East problem, the refugee crisis and Medicare.

It’s time we realised that egalitarianism is another antiquated ‘ism’ and until cab companies forcibly rip out the larynx of every employee, I’m going to travel in the back seat.

TomHB.

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