The Internet is Stupid, but We Love Her Anyway

Posted by Dave

So, I’ve come to the realisation that I hate the parts of the Internet that everyone else loves.

Take “social networking”, for example. I absolutely hate MySpace, but not for the reasons everyone else does. Others cite its hideous controls and mid-nineties-style flashing, squealing profile pages as reasons to exorcise the website from the social-consciousness. Me? I just hate the people who use it. And the inane comments they leave. And fact that one can’t possibly use it to liaise with one’s peers in private and are instead forced to broadcast to the entire world all the pointless drivel that takes place.

And don’t get me started on Facebook. No, I don’t want to spread your stupid vampire/zombie/whingeing harpy crap. And no, I don’t want to install the fucking Super Wall.

I think I’m genetically designed to not understand sites like MySpace or Facebook. I don’t want to broadcast everything I’m doing and everyone I’m associating with (that sounds… saucy) to the whole planet. I don’t like having conversations that take days to happen. I don’t like the implication that everyone I’ve ever met, however briefly, is my “friend”.

Of course these networks have their uses. Facebook has an awesome Poker game on it. MySpace provided an outlet for the awesome Sugarshock. And, if ever I decide to leave this little cave of mine and interact with others, I know where to find them. I just don’t get all the rest of it.

All that being said, I’ve found a “social network” I actually don’t mind using. This thing called Twitter is everywhere you look on the Internet, so I recently checked it out. It’s been variously described as “micro-blogging” or a kind of broadcast SMS. To put it in a way the rest of the world seems to understand - it’s like the status line under your name on Facebook, without the rest of Facebook. It’s a whole site dedicated to that single-line statement. This appeals to me.

I don’t know about everyone else (and I am fully prepared to admit that I am not like everybody else), but things often happen to me or occur to me that I wish to acknowledge in some ironic, witty or simply noteworthy way. If you’re a friend of mine, you’ve probably received an SMS or two from me along the lines of “I’ve just seen…” or “Did you know…?” or “Ever wonder…?”. You know, those things that happen in daily life that you really feel like sharing with, well anyone.

That is, in part, why I started this site those years ago. I wanted a place where I could say or show anything that occurred to me. However, in reality, these little types of thoughts usually don’t warrant an entire blog post to themselves. That’s why Twitter is useful. It is designed for little thoughts. In fact, it is exclusively for such a use, as each posting can only be 140 characters long.

Now, having used the site for a couple of days, I have noticed that this is another example of me not quite getting it the way everyone else does. A large part of the Twitter user base uses it in two other ways that I don’t think I ever will. The first, is to broadcast not the thoughts and opinions of the author, but the detailed minutiae of their lives. “I’m going to work now”, “I just ate lunch” - that kind of thing.

The other common use is to have those MySpace-style conversations where the reader can only see one side of any exchange. This just shits me to no end. “@ThoughtlessDrone Yes, I agree completely! HAHA!” means nothing to me, and I shouldn’t have to read it.

Nevertheless, I’m going to try using this Twitter thing and see how it works out. Knowing me, I’ll probably have abandoned it by next Tuesday.

You can see my most recent “tweets” (why does everything on the Internet have to have such a stupid name? But that’s a rant for another time) over on the newly-reinstated side-bar.

Or here.

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