The Cabbage Patch

How To: Change a Person’s Body (aka The Virtual Boob Job)

Welcome to the long-awaited second part of my series of pointless Photoshop tutorials! This is the part in which I commit horrible acts against the self-esteem of young women everywhere as I instruct you how to digitally alter any person’s appearance.

In reality, this technique is most useful for boring touch-ups - getting rid of “love handles” or “lunch-lady arms”, emphasising muscles or otherwise giving a photo that magazine look.

However, as is my tradition, I’m going to demonstrate this technique using an attractive female celebrity.  In an effort to cash in on the Internet’s obsession with boobs, I will be giving the lovely Ms. Jennifer Garner some imaginary breast implants.  Please save any comments about my misogyny until the end of class.

Let’s get to it!

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Tags: Jennifer Garner, photoshop, tutorial

‘Orrible Cabbage, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Hello World.

Apparently, once upon a time, I was a comic book character.  And not just any comic book character either, but an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., working alongside Nick Fury himself!

Unfortunately, Agent David Purcell only seems to have appeared in one issue, and the entirety of his story can be summed up thus:

David Purcell was a young S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, a cadet who was about to graduate. He was hoping to marry his girlfriend Gail. As he was preparing for the graduation day ceremonies, Gail noticed that he was missing his dress boots, and he started searching for them. As he was occupied, HYDRA agent Lt. Romulus broke in and killed Gail from behind. Before David could react, Lt. Garotte grabbed him from behind and crushed his neck.

The two HYDRA agents then used David’s body to create an LMD with which they could infiltrate S.H.I.E.L.D. Central on graduation day.

The LMD found Baron Strucker’s Satan Claw weapon where S.H.I.E.L.D. had impounded it, and transmitted the schematics to Strucker so that he could build a duplicate. By that time, S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Bruno Krea had smelled cyclonite on Dugan’s hankerchief, and they were about to deal with the matter when the LMD was detonated, and the explosion destroyed S.H.I.E.L.D. Central, killing all 1,500 graduates gathered that day. A mop-up squad of HYDRA crafts ensured that no survivors escaped the blast.

Basically, my comic book namesake witnessed his girlfriend’s violent murder shortly before meeting his own demise, then his body got turned into a walking bomb and killed all of his classmates.  So, not really a legacy I’d like to be remembered for, to be honest.  But still… Nick Fury!

How to: Open a digital barbershop

Hello World.

This is my first Photoshop technique tutorial.  I’ve made a couple of posts (here and here) showcasing some photo-manipulations of celebrities with different hair-colours from their own (mine have all been red thus far).  This is the technique I use to do those images.  This is by no means the only way of achieving such an effect, and is probably not even the best way to do it, but this is how I do it.

This tutorial was written for Photoshop CS3 (currently the latest version), but can most likely be achieved using earlier versions as it only uses basic tools.

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Tags: photoshop, tutorial

Still better than a matchbox

Hello World.

A while back, I posted some Photoshopped images I had created of celebrities as they would look if they had red hair.  Originally, I had done this as part of a forum thread over at ComicVine.  Recently, I was notified that someone liked my pictures and re-posted one at his own site.  This has inspired me to make some more (also, I’m a little bored).

Sometime in the near future, I’m going to write up and post a tutorial of how I do this (it’s really not terribly hard).  Meanwhile (Right click>”View Image” or similar to see full size):

Another Eliza Dushku manipulation (because I like her):

The Invisible Woman herself, Jessica Alba:

And lastly, the super-babe from Smallville, Kristin Kreuk:

That’s all for now.  I was trying to do a decent one of Heroes’ Hayden Panettiere (”just about the hottest woman on TV at the moment“, according to TomHB), but that particular shade of light blonde doesn’t red-ify well.  Also, I will take requests, should such a service be deemed useful (for example, for seeing what you would look like before you go and get that expensive and non-washable colouring at the salon).

Tags: Link to Me

Hooray for onomatopoeia

Hello World.

Some comic book themed desktop wallpaper thingies, made by yours truly:

Boom by ~OrribleCabbage on deviantART

Zooooooom by ~OrribleCabbage on deviantART

Pow by ~OrribleCabbage on deviantART

These use a font called Badaboom, which is a free download from Blambot.

Tags: Downloads

‘coz it’s red.

Hello World.

It’s ironic by ~OrribleCabbage on deviantART

I made another desktop wallpaper thingy.  Not fancy, nor particularly creative, but definitely, positively red.

Tags: Downloads

At night, rave near the guard’s compartment naked with a blue light

Hello World.

Sorry, I just thought it was funny.  Gimme a break, it’s late.

– [via Digg]

The Lucas Code

Hello World.

Dunno who this is by - or where it’s originally from - but bloody hell it’s good.

Click to enlarge.

Please Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em!

Hello World.

Yo, sound the bell. School is in, sucka.

U can’t touch this.

– [via xkcd]

The blinds were drawn, but the people were Photoshopped

Hello World.

As some of you may know, I’m currently in the middle of writing a horror/thriller-themed, noir-style graphic novel.  As a result of this, my mind is currently filled with images of mysterious murders, sexy women, cigarettes and all the other film-noir stereotypes.

In a period of trying to avoid writing (and cleaning, the other thing I’m in the middle of doing), I started to twiddle around in Photoshop.  I ended up with two comic-book-noir desktop wallpapers, featuring sexy women.  I think I need to find something else to think about.

(click for original page and larger view)

Case Closed by ~OrribleCabbage on deviantART

and

A new case walks in… by ~OrribleCabbage on deviantART

Nothing that’s going to change the world of art as we know it, but perhaps may liven up a couple of computers.

NB. Posting these wallpapers with the preface about my book may be slightly misleading.  The images in these wallpapers are not related to the book at all.  I am by no means an artist or an illustrator by any stretch of the imagination - these are edited photographs, not drawings (in case it wasn’t obvious enough), and they will not be appearing on the pages of a comic book any time soon.